Monday, April 12, 2010

Ugh, wrong type of thinspo...

So today was a major F.A.I.L. I fucking hate myself because I can't take this serious enough. I keep thinking "tomorrow is a new day and you can start over". Yeah well that happens every flipping day and I can't keep telling myself that. Its now or never and if I screw up that means I fail. Plain and simple.

I bought a whole bunch of clothes today but it wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. Changing in front of a mirror and trying to fit into pants that don't fit is devastating. I was going to fucking CRY in the change room. Because I am so fucking F.A.T, it was horrible. so so so horrible.

And my mother is a whole different type of story! Man, if you had my mother I swear you'd be 60 pounds by now. It was non-stop complaining about how she is so fat and blah blah blah type shit. And after I ate I was like "I want to be skinny (sad face)". You know how she responded? Here's a laugh: "You know you you can be, here's all you have to do: Stop eating bread, eat under 500 calories and exercise a lot." Ha, well guess what mother! That's what I've been trying to flipping do!! Oh gosh if she only knew. (She'd probably encourage it anyways.) My my my.
So that's my plan. Mother knows best right? I can't keep slacking. No motherfucking carbs. They are the death of me I swear. I WILL stick to my goals. I hate failing.

I've just been out of it today. Do you ever have one of those days that start out fine, you think nothing is wrong and then someones like "you look down today" and then all of a sudden you are? I just feel horrible about myself. I want to cry, but I won't.

By the way, sorry about all the "motherfuckings". I just feel that I need to warn you about my love for that word. Hope you don't mind ahah.

Eden xox.

1 comment:

  1. yeah people can easily make me feel down just by telling me i seem down. it's one of the things i hate the most. or when people go "don't get angry", the ironic thing is that it makes me angry when they say that so i shout "i'm not!" and i dont seem believable anymore. god that was a long comment on one little sentence you posted =)
    i hope u feel better soon and keep at it - ull fit into those trousers soon =)