Friday, April 16, 2010

down a size and a half.

I feel absolutely crushed today. It started out so well too. But good things never last. I am just going to tell you about my day because yesterday I forgot to take into consideration that I have to work tonight and I don't have enough time to sit down and write the rest of my story. So tomorrow I promise you will get the rest of it.

I was basically told today by one of my friends that I should give up because this guy might just not be that into me. We were watching the movie "He's just not that into you" in class and yeah, well that's what she said to me when we talked about my boy troubles. Brutally honest right? Because I want to talk to him and I want him to want to talk to me, but it doesn't seem to be going that way for me. I was told to give up.

Now giving up is a really bad thing for me to do. Because the thing I hate most is having to give up. I have had to give up so much in my life and I don't want to have to give up anymore. When I have to give up I get extremely depressed which leads to really bad things. Even if this guy is ugly (to some), a player, an asshole (to me...once, but I don't care if he hurts me) and all these other things people see in him I don't care because I WANT HIM. He is the only thing I have ever thought I had a chance with and I don't want to give up again. Now, your probably thinking this guys a douche and why the hell am I even bothering? Well to tell you the truth, I have a problem with going for the wrong guys. I don't think I deserve or have a chance with anything better so I refuse to think of the possibility of anything good happening. So I hurt myself again and again.

So, yeah I am completely discouraged, I don't know what to do. I want this boy so bad!! I want to say that yeah, I actually got what I wanted for a chance. I don't care if it ends bad, I just want a chance. Should I give up?

The scale was down a pound today. So I have only 2.2 pounds to lose to get to my next goal. I think it was my heart that shrank. Not my body.

I don't want to give up.

Second part of story tomorrow.

Let's hope I make it through the night. I don't feel so perfect right now.



  1. i think you shouldnt give up
    i have done too many times. gven things that couldve been mine away, given up on things because other people said or hoped so.
    i wonder looking back "could i have got it?" "could i have had him?" "could i have taken that chance and succeded?"
    its better to know for sure, you can give up when hes definitely and 100% said "i dont want you, give up on me" then, yes. before, id advise you not to.
    and i too always go for the wrong guys because i dont believe in myself enough. i can totally relate.

  2. aha thanks, I totally agree with you. I'm not giving up until its over