I have been eating too much and I swear I'm ballooning to the size of a fucking whale. Everyday I see myself in a reflection of some sort I think:
"I am so fat! My face is so ugly! How can people even stand to look at me?! How do I even have friends? Fat ugly people don't have friends. I am such a disgrace!"
And when I get home from work feeling absolutely disgusting I break down crying because to tell you the truth, I think I am really depressed...again. Because every single day I think how easy it would be to just end it all because it would be so much easier to not have to deal with this world. Like, I see people interacting and doing normal things and it confuses the shit out of me. I don't know why but I don't think I fit here at all.
And I don't even want to feed myself. Right now, its not at the point where I want to lose weight, I still do of course, but I just don't want to feed myself because I don't think I deserve it and every time I eat I hate myself. So I want to avoid that feeling as much as possible.
I hope this storm passes over soon and I hope I don't come out of it 10 pounds heavier.
Eden xox.
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the storm will pass soon, try to think positive (:
ReplyDeleteI know extactly how you are feeling. Just keep positive thoughts and imagine yourself at your goal weight!!!
ReplyDeletestay strong. we all have times like this, or at least i can speak for myself. humans are really weird. sometimes just watching them i feel like i dont belong and i dont even think it has to do with thinking im too fat. i just think the world is confusing and people are too. so i know what u mean.
ReplyDeletedont worry about it, ull be fine. as onetenam said, try to think positive. i believe in u.