Thursday, April 29, 2010

I'm Back!!

I have been going through so much drama this week. It is quite ridiculous. I had to get rid of a best friend, some other friends, became closer with people I never thought I would, became almost best friends with the best guy I know.

My nerves have been in such a jumble. I have been soo busy too. This is the first day that I have had a day to just chill at home. This is much needed.

I have at least gotten somewhat of a break during all of this though. I have had no appetite. And when I did eat, I didn't eat much. I never wanted to binge at all. I never thought about calories, or even worried about how much I was eating because I probably ate less than 1000 calories a day, if that. I walked so much too. Another thing, you probably don't want to know this, but I had no need for laxatives either. My body was cleaning itself out majorly!! All the stress wasn't for me I guess. Good right?

I've realized that I am such a good person and some people don't realize it. Well, it is too late for them. Then there are some other people who do see it, and appreciate me and treat me so good. I am so glad to have those people in my life right now!
My scale broke, I have no idea how much I weigh. I really want to know how much I weigh!!

I wrote these goals last Friday... some of them happened without me trying.

Motives and Goals for the next two months:

1)Live each day for what it is worth. No regrets
2)Never cut again
3)Lose 20 pounds before prom.(~60 days)
4)Be loved, liked, and thought about everyday by someone else.
5)Have a date for prom
6)Make a decision on my next tattoo
7)Establish who my friends are and start letting go of people who drag me down. (This has been done for me)
8)Watch the sunrise with someone
9)Go to a house party
10)Save $1,000
11)Be more confident (It's coming...)

1)Fit into size 5 jeans and size medium perfectly.
2)Never have to look at muffin tops
3)Have my thighs touch less
4)Wear clothes that I think are gorgeous and not just what fits.
5)Arms need to be less fat
6)Collar bones stick out
7)Hip bones stick out more
8)Feel my ribs stick out when laying down (more than they already do)
9)Be able to take compliments without thinking its a lie
10)Be beautiful, in my eyes.

Good things are really starting to happen.

I have also established that if this boy doesn't realize how good I am for him, that his problem. I don't have the energy to get upset about every time he decides to be an asshole.

I am better than that.
I have had the chance throughout the week to see your blogs, and I have noticed a lot of you are posting pictures of you body! I wish I could do that!! But I am telling you, it is so ugly... You guys are in much better shape than me. I have not seen a grotesque image yet.
You are all beautiful!!
Anyways, I am so ready for all this drama to end, so that I can start living this whole new life. I feel that I have just let go a stage in my life and moved on to the next one. I have let go of things that held me back and I feel that things will be way more different.
I am excited.
Eden xox.


  1. sounds like you are in a really good place right now. i honestly hope it doesn't end. highs are so ... HIGH. :)

    i admire those who can expose themselves. although i am pretty sure you have nothing to be ashamed of.

  2. this post makes me happy =) im glad for you that youve finally realised how great you are and im sure you will reach your goals =)

  3. Great goals you have there, I'm proud for you! : D
    Keep your head held high and live life as well as you can! xox