bewildered.

I have these two friends right. And one is bulimic, the other is anorexic. They haven't flat out said "I am this or I am that" but it's pretty damn obvious they are. And you want to know why? It's because they flaunt it around like its a boyfriend. Well, at least one of them does, the other is a sweetheart and I hope that he gets better. Yes, I said he.

This confuses the shit out of me because if you have a problem right, if you starved yourself or threw up everything you ate would you go around telling people this???!?! Like my anorexic friend eats, but then she complains for about ten hours about how she feels fat and blah blah blah. Like I don't go around asking people "am i fat?".

And it makes me mad because here I am starving myself, puking my guts out (I've been puking a lot for the past couple of days. I don't know why I can't stop) and exercising so much just so I can get some sort of satisfaction that I am not absolutely worthless and eventually can feel somewhat pretty and this girl just likes to create attention for herself. Like I am just so sick and tired of hearing her complain to me about how she is just not going to eat this or that. Like I have fucking problems too, your not queen of the world bitch.

Sorry if that sounds really mean, but I have major problems with this girl.

And my friend who is bulimic used to come and talk to me all the time (before I was deep into my own stuff) and I would try to help him and make him feel better but I haven't talked to him in a while and it makes me really worried. I wish I could tell him that I do the same thing he is doing. I really wish I could. Because he wouldn't judge.

The girl on the other hand, she definitely would. Because no one else has problems. Only she does right?

Besides your blogs, do you go around telling all your friends that you don't eat? Or that if they are eating something do you go to them and tell them that what they are eating is disgusting and hence you are too for eating it.

Sorry if this little rant sounds horribly hypocritical or bitchy but I really hate people who think the world revolves around them.

Do any of you have friends like this? I hope not. Because they make you feel horrible without giving it a second thought.

But as for me, like I said I have been purging a lot. I would just eat and throw up. I did it once while everyone was here too! Like people just cleared out for like 5 minutes, which was long enough for me to get rid of the small little bowl of pasta. It was just good timing.

Today was a little worse because I did binge and purge but like 10 minutes ago I just binged. Didn't even think of purging because I have just done it so much lately. And tomorrow I am taking my mom out for dinner.Which was my choice only because I want to pay her back for a lot that she has done for me when I had no money. I don't live with my mom so I want to do this for her. Maybe just have salmon? that doesn't sound too bad. I am going to go to the restaurant's website or something and look for the calories in everything they have and then make a decision.

I want to make my blog more interestng for everyone who read it. Not just me rambling about eating this or not eating that. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Anywho, I'd like to hear feedback from you. If you think I am a bitch for my little rant you can tell me. It will only hurt for a little while haha.

Eden xox.

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