where am i?

Nothing is really too new with me. I have been binging a lot lately but that is because I am in such a rut.

I am in that sort of state where I think I have lost myself again... I thought I had it all figured out before hand. Then all this drama happened, it changed me, and I have no idea who I am anymore. I just sort of realized that.

And I am in no such mood to go and "look for myself" again. It is way too much work.

So, for now I am just living... not really sure how. But it is happening.

I am getting really close with my guy best friend. People are noticing, saying I should go to prom with him and date him. But I know that's not what he is looking for. I am just one of his best friends but I know people will get their business into it and make things awkward for us. I am not sure if I like him in that way. He is just the best guy friend that I have had, like ever. I don't want to lose him just because girls want to be all girly and try to hook us up.

I am going to be drinking with him and the guy that I like (the one that ditched me) on friday and I am really excited to just let go. To have so much fun. Especially with these people. And I've heard that the guy I like is really good at persuading people into getting really reallly drunk. But at this point, if I am in the corner making out with him hardcore, I really don't care.

Not for the fact that I want to make out with him. But I kind of want to play him at his own game type thing? Like if he is a player, that's fine, I'll just be one right along with him and see how much he likes it.

"I know karma's gonna get me back for being so cold
Like a big bad wolf I'm born to be bad and bad to the bone
If you fall for me I'm only gonna tear you apart
Told ya from the start

I'm only gonna break your heart"

Eden xox