Tuesday, May 18, 2010

pretend that you're alive again.

Its amazing how fast I can shut down. How any emotion, good or bad can no longer to exist. Just disappear and I can't find them again.

I snapped today.

Went under and I want to get back up.

"I don't feel real, I don't feel right."

Suicide is a fantasy when your like this. It replays in your head like a dream. And boy am I dreaming. Some days it seems so much easier to give up.

"So fall in love while you can, still hold your head up high and pretend that you're alive again."

I want to disappear. Open up my skin and let all this out.

I hate these days. I want to get it over with.

Being in love is too scary for me. I'm scared to death of sex. I don't want to lose him because of that.

People say "if he doesn't understand then he isn't right for you." But I want him to understand. I want him! I want him!!!!!

I couldn't imagine showing my scars.

That's why is seems so much better to just end it all.

I'm sorry.

I'm just trying to get through the day.


  1. I really liked this post, despite how sad it is and how much I wish I could help you. I think we all feel like this sometimes.

  2. i understand you
    the scars are an actual problem for me too
    i hope u get through it and he understands