Its amazing how fast I can shut down. How any emotion, good or bad can no longer to exist. Just disappear and I can't find them again.
I snapped today.
Went under and I want to get back up.
"I don't feel real, I don't feel right."
Suicide is a fantasy when your like this. It replays in your head like a dream. And boy am I dreaming. Some days it seems so much easier to give up.
"So fall in love while you can, still hold your head up high and pretend that you're alive again."
I want to disappear. Open up my skin and let all this out.
I hate these days. I want to get it over with.
Being in love is too scary for me. I'm scared to death of sex. I don't want to lose him because of that.
People say "if he doesn't understand then he isn't right for you." But I want him to understand. I want him! I want him!!!!!
I couldn't imagine showing my scars.
That's why is seems so much better to just end it all.
I'm just trying to get through the day.