Wednesday, May 26, 2010

How can I go through my entire life only finding ways to hurt myself. I used to think girls who let guys use them all the time were a joke. Now I understand how easy it is. Sometimes you get lost in a world and the only thing you have left is that. To be used. To be fucked. To tell a guy you'll suck his dick just so that he will want to see you again while others in the background tell you you are making a huge mistake and you deserve better.

Well if I deserved better I would have had it by now. But no, this is what I deserve. This is what I will take.

I wish I looked like a beauty queen. All you girls are fighting to stay under your calorie limits. I think I am too depressed to eat. I'm starving my body and I don't even care.

I am sure the time will come back, where I have nothing but food to think about.

But it is the last thing on my mind. I eat to survive now. I have to literally force myself to eat something because with out it I pass out. And even then I don't eat much.

So my body continues to shrink.

I am sorry that I don't talk about ED stuff anymore. All of you are probably looking for some sort of thinspo and I don't see how you can find it here.

Not even sure why you guys would read my blog. Its so depressing. I am sorry.


  1. Don't be sorry. Never be sorry.
    If he wants to treat you that way, that is HIS fault. It will never be yours.

  2. I don't come here for thinspo, I come here to listen to you.

  3. You don't deserve this, you really don't.
    Get rid NOW. Please? please?
    I want you happy again, I love reading your blog and I don't like it when you are sad like this, I wish I could give you a hug.
    You deserve someone who loves you for the gorgeous person you are, not for sex and blowjobs.
    Please leave him.
    You always have us.

  4. this isnt about thinspo. this is about ur life, ur struggle. we all struggle with life. counting calories may be something most of us have in common but thats not what its about! if this is ur problem, we'll read and understand and be there for you. if an ED is your problem, it'll still be the same!
    im sad that you would think u deserve the pain. i think the same as you but still, its not worth it. your worth more, even though uve been told 1987460 times!
    hang in there