Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Ask me to show you perfect and I will show you a thin person.

So, yay I got the job. More walking and less time to worry about eating!! Is it sad that I am only excited about that?
Well, I was super excited when I got home but happiness doesn't last long in my world. I am never allowed to be happy. Because my life revolves around serving my dad. Literally. As soon as I get up in the morning it is, do this, do that, do this, do that then I go to school and come home and life revolves around doing everything for him, making dinner, cleaning, pouring him drinks. Yes, my life fucking sucks. And he wasn't even happy that I got a job. You know what he said? "Well that's good, I don't have to see you as much, and I don't have to buy you anything." Well, you know what ass hole? I'm glad I don't have to see your motherfucking face that much anymore. And p.s, you don't spend a motherfucking cent on me. The last thing he had to buy me was tampons because I had no money to buy them for myself. Sad right? I know.
So, instead of being happy for myself I was miserable, and I decided that I was going to stuff my fat fucking face. Not in a bad way, I had some salad and stir fry but still. I was so stuffed but I forced myself to eat. I don't know why. I usually like to punish myself when my surroundings get me down. (I used to punish myself in worse ways but I am not to sure if you all want to here about that just yet?)
Yeah, so this was probably a bad post today with a lot of swear words, I am sorry. But its better to get it all out right?
How are all your days going?
P.s, these are some lyrics to a song by Eyes Set to Kill. It sums up most of what I feel when it comes to my father.

You’re pushing me out
You’re pushing me when all I do is not enough
All I do is not enough for you
You’ve pushed me down
You’ve pushed me down
Well I’ll try and I’ll try again
I’ll try and I’ll try again for you

This distance won’t keep your words from screaming my name
This distance won’t keep your words from smothering me
If I could keep you out
If I could keep you...
Eden xox.


  1. Good luck with your job! =) i think its a wonderful motivation because u have less time to eat and more money for nice clothes! If i cant treat myself to something nice sometimes, i feel like im doin all this for no reason at all because all my old clothes still tell me how fat i am.
    about ur dad.. why is it always the dads? ive always wanted to be perfect in every way possible and the main reason was my dad bcause he qhines at me about everything i do. dont let it bring u down though - u wont have to let ur life revolve around u forever.