If I want to be thin, I need to do the work to get there. The reason I am fat is because I can't do the work to be thin.
Anorexia, bulimia, compulsive eating and self hatred. GAHH
The scale has hit the point where I can't want to make it go down any further than 150 pounds. I never wants to show me even a little mercy, like about 149, 148. I lost 30 damn pounds and then bam it stops. I stopped working at it. I let go. And now I am stuck between going to 155 to 150. For about a month it has stopped. "No more losing weight for you Eden! You don't deserve to be skinny Eden. You fat slob!!!!"
I will do my best to commit to this. And all my shame will go on this blog, so I have something to remind me about how bad I eat.
I hate food.
I hate eating.
I hate me.