You would be ashamed of me.

And the things I've done.

I'm even ashamed in me.

I've hurt people that are so close to me,

because I don't care what I put myself through.

The retaliation comes after,

the selfish thoughts of how MY life will go on,

not how other people feel,

because that doesn't matter to me.

Even though it should.

I used to be so innocent, just a month ago.

Now I am lost.

I don't know who I am anymore,

where I stand on things,

what I believe.

I really don't care who uses me,

as long as its me that they want to use.

As long as they want me in some form.

I look at cute couples holding hands,

people in love,

guys who actually care about girls,

people kissing.

I realize that isn't for me.

It will never happen.

It doesn't matter if people say "you deserve better"

Because if I did, then would I be having that?

Well....I accept this love, or what ever it is.

I am just a play thing now.