Ah, so my life goes on, and I have new experiences that will make me different. They have the chance to blow up in my face and destroy me. So I am sitting here waiting for things to move quickly. Rip it off like a bandaid. I want to say everything will turn out exactly how I plan. But I never know. And I want to know.I was extremely drunk on friday, made out with the boy I liked all night. Pretty much it was my first kiss. I wish I could remember how that first kiss felt. I only remember the 3rd, 5th, 10th etc. Not the first. I was so close to having sex, and that would have ruined me.
The good thing is, is that the guy is not ignoring me. There is a really good chance he could actually like me.
If he doesn't I would die.
I told myself to not fall so hard. And I did. And I could be ruined for it.
My stomach has not been letting me eat. I could usually stuff my face, and stuff so much food down this fat trap of mine. But now I can't. I cant finish anything. There is always food left over. I am losing weight. I am just not sure how the heck my appetite can be so screwed up.
I feel like I am killing myself.
I would try anything to hurt myself.
The memories almost bring tears to my eyes. Because I can feel the hurt already if things don't work out. If he doesn't want me.
So, I'll wait. Wish me luck.
good luck
ReplyDeletein any case, we're here for you =)
xxx
good luck, good luck, good luck
ReplyDeletehumans tend to disappoint. if he does like you and pursues something more .. then great :) .. but if he doesn't .. its not necessarily you, hun.
ReplyDeleteguys are slow and simple. they change their minds all the time, for no reason .. they can be impulsive & irrational (at least to us women). their emotional attachments to people and things are far less intricate than women's, therefore, they can be fragile.
I wouldn't want to know that you would punish yourself for something that is out of your hands.
hope all goes well. <3